5.22.26

 I do not enjoy being gridlocked on the road. I noticed the shift, getting annoyed with no one moving out the way so I could pass. Then it is like an adrenaline rush. but then when trying to recall events or certain things about it, i notice that its like i was present but only in fleeting moments. like reading footnotes but not fully remembering the entire event or whatever. 

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5.21.26

 So my therapist has given me homework to document things. I told her about struggling with the last visit homework of listening to the snoop dogg affirmation songs and trying to locate the age I was when I stopped believing both head and heart (which one for which age) about myself.  Well, i had to approach a different way and learned that when I was little, I remember having this big black whirly thing in my head, that would grow or get smaller and especially when I was mad. It was an angry mass. Then one day it just popped so to speak and went away and then there were more than one of me inside my head.  Over the years I have felt different "moods" I call them, and that alot of it started when I was really little, but the first real pinch was when my mom told me the man who was abusing me, was not in fact my dad, i was relieved. But not as relieved as I was when I first thought she told me he was dead, and not this biological man I had not gotten to know.  Then wh...
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